Has been quite a while
Since I wrote in poetic style
À few tears here, a few tears there
Dad has checked out from here
Sick of the ICU beeps
And seeing him full of tubes
My little reassuring strokes
in the daily visiting hours
turned into Sorry, Love you,
And unsaid Goodbyes....
Not that he heard those words
Or felt my touch in those agonizing weeks
But if u tell me he never felt the pain,
from being ill
That's all I want to know and chill...
My heart doesn't wilt in guilt or wishes unfulfilled..
It helps to know I was there...when he was still aware...
Before the minutes that turned into oblivion...
Blessed in a way I am.
His last meal was mine, his last home was ours,
and the last reassuring words were mine.
His last few weeks had my presence in 'em...
Twilight walks in our hometown with him and my son
To temples, park and temple car....
I hope it meant something to him.
Have I come to terms with his loss?
Maybe yes, better than his better half
She has a long way to go
And I hope I play my part well.
But few things have changed forever..
Like this morn, he wasn't at the door to say bye-bye
And I recall those Cauvery baths..
The TVS 50 rides...
The school bag he packed on my behalf
The way I used to hide behind him,
When mom chased me with a stick in her hand...
The ear studs he would buy to surprise me
His DIY binding of my school books
The craft projects and biology drawings he did for me
The way he would squeeze my hands in his, in emotional moments
Making lists for Diwali crackers
The moffusil bus rides when he would bore me with landmarks
The way he used to put me to sleep in hammock,
Singing sa ri ga ma pa dha ni sa..
The way he repeated it for his grandson...
Can I get him back just one moment,
so i could read him out this list?
